An Emotional State

Feelings  

Noun

1. An emotional state or reaction.
2. The emotional side of someone's character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond

After my last post, I told someone that is really important in my life, that I more than likely am not going to have the Gastric Bypass surgery. Their response wasn't what I thought it would be. It left me feeling as though they didn't/don't believe I can do this on my own. We talked more about, tears were shed, thought I would feel better after we talked about it more, but here I am about four days later, and I still don't feel good about it.

No harm was meant, it's just the way it made me feel was more than I could handle. It didn't make me feel great about my journey to come.

And I know they are going to read this and will want to talk about it more, but I don't want to. This is how I handle things. 

Needless to say, that was just more motivation to show them wrong. 

This all I have today, running low on time at this computer. My home computer broke. 

Is Surgery The Easy Way Out?

Gastric Bypass

Gastric bypass procedures (GBP) are any of a group of similar operations that first divides the stomach into a small upper pouch and a much larger lower "remnant" pouch and then re-arranges the small intestine to connect to both.

 

In October/November (can't remember the month) my grandma had the Gastric Bypass surgery. Watching her lose the weight has been amazing. My grandma has always struggled with losing weight, and this has been a life changer for her. I am very proud of her.

Has it been something that I have thought about doing? Sure! I mean why not? Get my stomach cut down to two ounces, shed the weight fastish (maybe fast at first, but it can slow down over the years), and hope and pray I still have good eating habits the rest of my life. And I mean at my age and weight, at one point it seemed/seems like the only thing that can help/save me. But is it the easy way out?

The way I saw it was, I was cheating. At my age of 24, getting the Gastric Bypass just seemed like it was the easiest way to lose the weight, since I had so much to lose, an easy out. Then something clicked, seeing my Grandma making the life changes she has made, made me think maybe it isn't the easy way out. 

Then I would think of how my friends, family, and work peers would see me. And if you know me, it's very rare, that I care what people think about me. If I went through with this surgery would they think I was just lazy, and gave up? Maybe they would think she is only doing this because she doesn't want to exercise and/or eat healthy. Or would they think, well just because she is having this surgery doesn't mean she will stick to it. This thought has impacted me more than anything in current life, that my friends, family, and work peers will judge me for having the surgery. 

 

Recently we had open enrollment for health insurance. I changed my insurance to the plan that pays up to $25000 for the Gastric Bypass surgery. I did this thinking this was the only option I had at this point in my life and it would be best for me. Then the thinking of the easy way out came storming back in. So I still have it up in the air. I am going to walk through all the steps which can take a year or longer to get approved to have the surgery. During those steps I am going to work hard on a plan that will hopefully help me in this on going battle. If I can show myself that I can lose X amount of weight in X amount of time, then I don't see the point of having the surgery.

 

I haven't started anything just yet. But my goal start time is Monday April 29, 2013. Why wait until then? Because it's how I roll, it helps me be prepared. Until then, I will keep on writing to those who will read and then keep at it all during my journey. 

Gastric Bypass Surgery:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery

What is Your Plan This Time Jessica?

Plan  

Noun

A detailed proposal for doing or achieving something.

Verb 
Decide on and arrange in advance.


That is the question I have had all day. What is going to be my plan this go around? It needs to be something that will stick for life, or there will be no life. I had it set in my mind that I was going to do the drops again, but I want to exercise, so that went out the door fast. Then it was brought to my attention that a low calorie plan would be a good idea. That had gears moving in my brain. Yeah I could do that a low calorie meal plan with exercise. I mean why not?! It was a low calorie deal with the drops, so it is something that I am some what similar with. 

So I got some info from my Aussie family. Two of them have done the Michelle Bridges 12wbt, I will share a link to it at the bottom of this post. And I had been thinking about this plan for a while, well since hearing about it last summer from my Aussie family, but then saw it is $19.99 a week. 

I know what you are saying, JESSICA THIS IS YOUR LIFE, PAY THE FREAKING $19.99 A MONTH! Yeah well, no. If it was $19.99 a month, then yeah I could give something up to pay for that but it's weekly, and I can't afford that at this time in my life. So I got the run down as to what Michelle Bridges plan was, which is, 1200 calories a day, eating whole fresh foods, with exercise six days a week burning 500 calories each work out. 

At first I didn't know how 1200 calories a day with burning 500 of that off would be safe. But then I look at my lovely Aussie family, and see how hard they have worked, and how much weight they have lost, and just tell myself to shut up and do it!


Follow Through

1 : to continue a stroke or motion to the end of its arc 

 

2: to press on in an activity or process especially to a conclusion

So the plan you ask? It is going to be 1200 calories a day, exercise six times a day burning the 500 calories. Do I think it's going to work? It freaking better! It can only work if I follow through with it, and that is what I have to do.


Michelle Bridges 12wbt:

http://www.12wbt.com/

About Michelle Bridges:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelle_Bridges

Well Hello There

Ashamed -

Adjective

1. Embarrassed or feeling guilt because of something one has done or a characteristic one has.
2. Reluctant to do something through fear of embarrassment or humiliation: "I am not ashamed to be seen with them".

It's been a while. I would give you a line of bullshit of, I have just been too busy to do anything other than work and sleep, but that would be a lie. Working and sleeping has taken over my life, but that isn't a good enough excuse, any excuse isn't good enough.

In all honesty, since October, I have been ashamed of myself. That is when I started to gain my weight back. Slowly at first, but then there was my birthday, then Thanksgiving hit, and next thing I knew it was Christmas.

And now here I am. April 21st, 2013, almost back to the weight I was this time last year. It's disgusting.

Enough of me dogging myself all in one blog, there is time to do that in others.

Change -

Verb Make or become different: "a proposal to change the law"; "beginning to change from green to gold".

Noun The act or instance of making or becoming different.

Synonyms verb.   alter - exchange - vary - shift - convert - transform noun.   alteration - shift - variation - exchange - mutation

 Change is all I can do at this point. And change is what I shall do.